moral suasion

"Moral suasion" is the sexiest judge phrase I've ever read. I just like how it sounds.

I saw a counsellor at school about the suicide thing. I kind of can't stand people feeling sad for me, or comfort from strangers, so that wasn't the best. But she was super nice and then I just wanted her to feel like she was helping me, because that's what I do. I'm not sure I did it right...I just plowed through the session talking about everything to do with Jenn I could think of...So maybe she's right, I'd benefit from structured grief counselling? I shall continue with her and try. Free with tuition, these services.

I'm still having out of nowhere crying fits, between vast pushes of productivity efforts. Eleven tomatoes today. (That's 5.5 hours of straight, hyper-focused, single tasking work, which is wrestled from my time not otherwise in class, eating, fighting a losing battle against my house ants, etc).

I like lifehacker for the pomodoro method and more. Maybe I will win back some credit, in terms of my own life expectations. I was such a promising specimen, back in the day. Before I decided invisible skin itching and falling in love withe people who live a zillion miles away (either literally, as in right now, or literally by my standards of distance anyway...an ocean apart is a zillion...or else, figuratively, by barriers of construction, that they're paper dolls who happen to exist).

What I was trying to explain to the counsellor was that, of everybody, Jenn could sort me out. Now I'm so adrift, with no one clever and minx enough to see my bullshit (she could), or seeing it, kind enough to point it out (she would, sometimes). Oh Jenny. This is too hard.