I've dating a psychiatrist and he said it's so much better for people just to repress things. Apparently it's all a bunch of bullshit for people to talk about their past abuse, trauma, whatever. I'm totally on board with that. The very worst things that have happened to me (not all of them with me a hapless victim either), I could just about completely forget. Except of course I told one person or another, and then sometimes you're reminded anyway. So much better to forget.
Delusions make you better able to get through the day sometimes, and that's ok. Sometimes I remember what must be happening to people in Darfur (yeah, they're still there) or Syria or those teenage nuns self-immolating in Tibet...Or the polar bears starving. The tigers with no place to go, confused and stressed. The tuna, lions underwater, freaking the fuck out when they see their buddy get murdered.
The little kids being pushed into...the most awful things ever, by the people who were supposed to take care of them? It's alllll out there and you just have to not think about it. Just switch it off, go watch HBO, go read a book (either of which might be just as traumatizing, but at least it's not real).
Maybe we're all evil. I'm not sure we're so great. All sad last week, in one of my fall down crying spells of grief, I thought that maybe Jenn was right, that everybody and everything just sucks.
Of course that's not right either, and you're stuck getting tired out by all the middle ground. That's ok.
You know what you have to do? Think over the last year, and think of the absolute best moments. The best memories. The most fun you had. And ask, why aren't I doing more that? Let's do that all the time. And the worst moments? Avoid at all costs. Exterminate the crying fits and the boredom, because it's not like you live forever and that shit gets absolutely nothing done.
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